穿过门的照片

詹妮弗Yoffy:0:08

欢迎来到完美的结合,一个播客,我们和艺术家谈谈他们的旅程,他们是如何他们在哪里,他们对与错把沿途和它们的标题下。大卫Hilliard出生在洛厄尔,马萨诸塞州,他在波士顿生活和工作。他收到了来自马萨诸塞州的论坛艺术学院,1992年和1994年从耶鲁大学硕士学位。他是收件人的富布赖特格兰特和古根海姆奖学金,他被授予博克中心2012年由哈佛大学教学卓越奖。记录他的生活和他周围的人的生活。每个工作都是由大量的图像采用稍微不同的焦点,提供多角度的一个场景。Hilliard需要个人,不熟悉的,操纵他们提供一个评论大男子气概等问题,未来的年龄,性别,和灵性,一个平衡的自传和小说。这是我的荣幸欢迎大卫Hilliard播客。我想先谈论的格式,你的三张相联。和你讨论如何创建工作的决定和一个多层面板显示。 It came from your love of film and theater and storytelling and the desire to create more associations and implied narratives in the work and within a certain piece. So I wanted to know, have you found that that way of presenting an image allows the viewer to connect more strongly with it, like maybe they're subconsciously being invited to fill the gaps within the story? Have you gotten any feedback like that?

大卫Hilliard:1:58

我将肯定的说工作有很多视觉娱乐,这是一种跳跃的方式,你这一点,因为它是描述一个混合的方式制作和看。但也有点我总是笑话,但它是真实的,这有点专横的,这意味着它告诉你点,摄影应该是什么样的,你知道的,客观的,它显示了真实的世界,但它并不在我的工作,因为我问你照片之间的关联。之间,除此之外,专注在那些照片的时候,喜欢看它的表面,然后做一个正式的或概念与下一个图片向右或左或上升或下降,使连接。诀窍。所以我认为这是有点像邀请观众,我认为有一个强烈的希望如果我做我的工作,一个强烈的视觉图片之间的联系,而且,也许更重要的是,对我来说,概念上使协会关于世界,关于身份政治,无论如何,我们的家庭。然后这是我的关键。你不是问这个问题,但也许我就去。虽然我说的有点专横,但不是所有开玩笑不要太专横,意义,被说教的,是有区别的,说喜欢,这就是我想让你思考。这是我想要的你或许认为,你知道,像这样。这就是我最后的节目是关于在纽约这是一个名叫这样邀请观众联想,但之间的甜蜜点的试图找到我的经验我的身份,我的生活,也许你的。

詹妮弗Yoffy:3:44

所以说,“这就是我想让你思考和感觉”,你就像,“如果你要看看这个,你可能想要探索这个大道,大道的方法来体验这个东西。”

大卫Hilliard:3:54

,这就是我认为很多人会说很好,你知道,生活一般,但肯定是视觉文化协会提供,希望不会把我们的喉咙。

詹妮弗Yoffy:开场后

你知道我的男孩,系,我很喜欢。边注,昨晚我和摄影师发短信,说我今天做这个采访。他说,“哦,我爱大卫Hilliard的工作”,我说,“我也是。我有男孩拴在挂在我的卧室。”他写道,并不在文本翻译很好。我想,优秀的点。

大卫Hilliard:4:55

你知道,我会说那张照片是什么,如果我可以选择一个或两个的照片,如果我有,像有悬崖注意视觉指南大卫Hilliard照片主题和形式上,这将是一个图片,因为它的一切,我希望我的工作要做,至少在我卑微的眼睛,它那么好。

詹妮弗Yoffy:5分钟

那是什么?什么事情你想让你的工作做什么?

大卫Hilliard:5:22

我认为它描述了我的工作方式在视觉上,照片和焦点之间的相互作用的工作方式,我使用水作为隐喻作为中介的经验,我以不同的方式使用颜色。因为那张照片有一种温和,主要灰色,严峻的原色,我使用天气——它所有的雾,人们之间的关系,连接,和分离,男孩们一起漂流或渐行渐远,开放式基金,对吧?建议联系,时间,这意味着它处理时间和天气。你知道,所以物理老化,15岁男孩老化,情感上和身体上,天气变化的完美比喻试图查看和更改,当然不快。

詹妮弗Yoffy:12

是的,它有一个渴望它。我认为是一个强大的主题,我在那块连接到真的很强烈。和你的工作很多。

大卫Hilliard:21

是的。它挂在你的卧室,我认为一个有趣的播客是面试,不是我告诉你,你应该做的事情。但是,你知道,面试的艺术家的工作,他们挂在他们的卧室里。

詹妮弗Yoffy:航班

是的,它很有趣。

大卫Hilliard:33

我因为我刚搬进来。我说,我挂在我的床?我可以告诉你在这个播客,或者私下像我在我的房间里,但是这是一个大的选择,你知道,因为你要看那个东西在你睡觉的时候在床上时你不睡觉。当你做爱等等。

詹妮弗Yoffy:骑车

你在家里没有自己的工作。

大卫Hilliard:53

我不,不。好吧,我确实有一块,我可以谈论。有点伤心,但因为它是象征性的。对我来说,这是一个作品,我上大学的时候,真的。但是它是我父亲的照片最近通过,COVID的受害者。还有一个朋友去世了,我的一个最好的朋友,我的第一个男朋友,事实上,两年前去世。这是一幅我的两个。然而,它是黑色和白色。我马上给你寄出。我用电子邮件发给你。

詹妮弗Yoffy:21于是

是的,请。我可以把它展示的笔记。我不知道这是什么意思,但我听到其他播客说它,所以我要算出来。

大卫Hilliard:7:28

显示笔记。这就是的标题。是的,没有,但是它真的是一个美丽的图画两个造型的男人在我的生活,一起在这个小木屋在加拿大,我们一直在一起,我们无意中被困在一个房间,一间卧室,我的父亲和我自己和我的合作伙伴,应该有两个房间,最终在双人床。所以这是第二天早上。一个美丽的故事,但这是一个他们两个并排的画像。这是可爱的。现在他们都走了。他们住在,你知道吗?好。

詹妮弗Yoffy:8:03

的,所以我很熟悉你的工作,就像我说的,在我们相遇之前。因为你的工作是如此的情感,和个人和脆弱。感觉就像我已经知道很多关于你的事儿在我们相遇之前。你认为很多人立即回应开放在你的工作和更加与你见面?我觉得你,当我们第一次见面,感觉就像我们是即时的朋友。我得到的印象,很多人对你有这样的感觉。和你交朋友,建立社区无论你去哪里。所以我很好奇如果你觉得你的工作的一部分,人们已经感觉到一个连接你和你亲密之前他们有第一个对话吗?

大卫Hilliard:49

哇,这是个好问题。我不知道。嗯,我的本能是转移这个问题,但是因为我确实试图做一个开放的人,但是我的,但是老实说,我自然是多个原因。我关闭。我永远是彬彬有礼,我永远是,但是我认为我永远,表面上看起来像我访问。但我非常非常私人的,对吧?我有10个最好的朋友和很少有真正了解我的人。我不想听起来像我的意思是,很多人可能会说的一个版本,就像我们,我想我们都有一个私人的一面。但是同时我挑战自己在我的职业生涯,我的选择,我为我的职业生活迫使我飞与我,我的喜欢谁我真的有点意思,我住一个非常公开的好,不是很不喜欢但很公共生活。我在艺术和教育和有层次的性能或为别人活在当下和责任。 I think so I tried it like, you know, I try to be honest with what I make and I do my work is very personal. Even though I said like I don't I'm not bossy my politics are there, right my identity. And like my thoughts like, you know, if I read lean right or left or straight or gay, like, you know a lot about David Hillier before you ever meet him? Right? And I would say some artists, some people not as much. So I do put it out there. And so yeah, people, depending on the person like to think that they know me, but takes people a while to get to know me really, really discover, like, what a mess I am. I do try to like, you know, put myself out there. And I don't know, it's, it's I think it's I'm not saying I'm brave. But I think it's a brave thing to do for artists is to be vulnerable to a certain extent.

詹妮弗Yoffy:专机

确定。嗯,我的意思是,很明显,特别是看你的工作的轨迹。我的意思是,你探索的主题,你搞清楚,越来越适应自己在工作中也很明显。这几乎就像一个治疗或日记的方式如果你通过。

大卫Hilliard:11:09

是的,毫无疑问。谢谢你！治疗是一个词出现在我的工作。和我教的方式的研讨会我领先与其他人们喜欢埃莉诺Carucci和我正在这样做会持续车间叫爱呢?嗯嗯。哦,我的上帝。这就像一群拥抱。你知道,就像,真的,这都是,喜欢分享和我在开玩笑,但在一个真正的好方法。它是关于变得脆弱。你知道,和发现,在一种动荡的世界中寻找情感和爱我们生活在现在。 Yeah, more and more. Totally therapeutic.

詹妮弗Yoffy:日上午

是的。哇,这听起来不可思议。是的。所以我需要知道更多关于通过门照片,为什么我们还没有照片的书。

大卫Hilliard:11:57

你谈论我父亲照片用来制造我们当我们是的,

詹妮弗Yoffy:12点

是的。是的。告诉我关于他们的。又有多少?我能看到一个年轻的大卫Hilliard进门一遍又一遍?

大卫Hilliard:12:16

所以我的父亲,我的爸爸是一个伟大的人。我爸爸是惊人的。我做很多工作纪念他。但他喜欢摄影。他就像,我们长大的穷,中产阶级的下层,但是总有这种尊崇的摄影照片。所以即使在方法不是知识分子的方式,让我很清楚,但肯定在一个有趣的有些甚至不知道它是治疗方式,控制世界的一种收集方式,已经失控了。但是我的父亲将我和我哥哥的照片大多是别人做的,但是我哥哥,不知道穿过一扇门这样我们会逼真地猛扑过去。所以有很多我们的照片穿过有时从学校回家。和他们真的最好的真的很漂亮的,因为你可以看到我们甚至知道有时我们拍摄世界的重量在一个年轻的孩子,这是我的工作。像我们讨论过男孩系。 That's what that picture is about. Right? Yeah. It's it's young boy psychology and but sometimes they're playful and it's us like giving my dad the middle finger back because he caught meand beautiful pictures of us just like a divorced dad and his two kids these dogs on weekends and summertime and but he recorded us constantly in his journaling. Like he every day. I've said this before in interviews. From the day I was born until July 28, 2015. I could tell you where I was on any given day at any given time in military father documented his life you know, you know scrupulous kind of meticulous notes been very tiny, beautiful penmanship on little calendars like from a chemical company he used to work for they're like yearly tracking. He documented everywhere. We were not in a waxy poetic way, but it was just like, oh, wait 100 hours. David does the Baba ba Scott does that. And so why do you think that's, you know? That's, that's the question, right? I don't think my father ever went back and occasionally we would go back because we were like, we needed to fact check something or like I've used it for a wide array of things. My last blah, blah, blah. So I've lost that when my father had his like cardiac event and went into a nursing home and gone was that great gift he gave us of like, knowing where we were for like decades,

詹妮弗Yoffy:事故

你说他患有痴呆接近尾声。那一定是非常困难的对于那些对实时保持这样一个严格控制在现实吗?

大卫Hilliard:15:04

是的,它是,你知道,他……我爸爸是我的爸爸是一种奇怪的方式控制狂。就像他想要世界的直角,一切都在那里,他很理智,从来没有受过高等教育的是他总是带着一种耻辱吗?永远,我不认为他高中毕业,我知道他没有,我们从不谈论它。他也是杰出的。我的父亲是自学的。你知道,当我们还是孩子的时候,他帮助我们与我们的读书报告和存在主义对政治很感兴趣,你可以像左倾,教会和国家的问题,你知道的,,因为有损坏,我们将我哥哥和我是训练不加入任何或相信任何喜欢的东西,我们都喜欢,我可以节省我的治疗师的沙发上。但我爸爸有很多喜欢,强烈的信念和方法,他想让我们认为,希望很多施加控制世界。当你的问题真的很好,为什么,为什么他做的很多事情,他通过后非常伤心,我哥哥和我是承担经历的东西他生命的废墟,就像疯了一样,不要囤积的地步,但是,大量的蜉蝣,书籍和旁注,你不会相信奇怪的笔记我们发现在口袋里当他失去他的时候,他的记忆,我们发现了这个问题,他切成宝典的信封,这是他害怕忘记的一切。我会给你照片。 Yeah, please. It's called Crib Notes. And it was my father. Like, he was so proud. He had a lot of pride. He didn't want people to know, he was forgetting things. And so he, he loved the written word he loved, he loved words, and he loved self improvement. And I would go to visit him and it'd be sticky, sticky notes on his fingers and whiteout and his fingernails. And he was a closeted academic.

詹妮弗Yoffy:17:09

当他通过了今年4月,波士顿环球报》的一篇文章,我读,然后,然后我再读一遍,在准备这个,你说他是你生活的伟大的爱。我两次大哭,阅读。所以你和你父亲的关系总是渗透你的工作,他是一个频繁的话题和合作者从最早的工作直到他过去了。这很有趣,因为你是如此不同。但是你显然的联系。和你能退一步的图片与你父亲看看他们作为一个集体整体吗?还是?和你看到的进化关系?还是他们会告诉你一个不同的故事吗?

大卫Hilliard:17:55

是的,我的爸爸,我的爸爸和我很不同的人,对吧?很多方面。但是关于我们的一件事是我的父亲,就像我提到的,我认为他理解儿子有点不同,是吗?喜欢,我不是喜欢其他男孩,从很小的时候,很明显,我是酷儿在某种程度上,对吧?我只是不与别人保持同步。正确的。我爸爸是我的冠军。他,我的意思是,不重要的是,我必须小心。他不喜欢说,儿子,我认为你是不同的。这里是这样的,但是他的,我是我是谁,对吗? And if I didn't want to, like do what my brother was doing on sports, and this and that, like, you know, he I wanted to, you know, I was interested in miniatures and doll houses, and he would like, take me shopping for things he would build me these beautiful cardboard, because we were poor, like really like, and I would go away for a week because I would live with my mother because they were divorced. I'd come back and my father would have built me a cardboard dollhouse. From the chemical company that he would swipe. And there would be like cardboard and duct tape and but these were artful. Like, I am not kidding, Jennifer, like, you should see there's more pictures I have to send you.

詹妮弗Yoffy:19:09

是的。

大卫Hilliard:19:10

但我想回家,他造就了我这些小纸板的房子,一寸一英尺,炮塔和湾windows和电梯工作,他是一个该死的艺术家。但这一点,所以他知道我是不同的。但是我爸爸也在一定程度上与社会格格不入,因为尽管他表面上,有争斗,海军的那种人,化学工作者。他也喜欢有一个非常敏感的一面,你也知道,想要的东西他不提供机会。

詹妮弗Yoffy:19:41

正确的。他是一个学者和艺术家。

大卫Hilliard:44

所以他是什么样子感觉不同。他允许我弟弟我们是谁,我们是谁,我们如何。那是太好了。然后我们一起拍摄。所以他爱摄影成了我爱摄影。在他的一些习惯,他的视觉习惯成为我的视觉习惯。和我们合作,因为他是我最好的朋友。他就像我的一切。他有趣的逼真地,把它。他就像是我的父亲会说,引用,"他是一个荡妇。 For the camera, like he didn't care, he put on a Hawaiian shirt and do this and that and but to that point, in a very serious note, with time I realized that I needed to think of something my father wasn't thinking about, was that I was in charge of his photographic legacy, if you will, I didn't want to cast him as like just a one-liner. And so I realized that I was not showing things about him. I was making a lot of jokes, and I had the veneer of him down. But I wasn't really getting to the sense of privacy and shame and longing and all these other things that I over time, snuck up on and he trusted me enough and we over time, you can see my work, evolve, start starting around 1999. Okay, when I made a picture called dad, which was him where I took away the Hawaiian shirts and the some of the trappings, like the kind of, I don't know, they were kind of easy fish in a barrel kind of pictures, good ones, but like, easy and repetitive to a certain extent. And so I started to show other sides of him that to your point, parallels a relationship, a father-son relationship, but also a photographic relationship becoming more complex and more trusting in a more nuanced and, and right up to the day he died. We were collaborating right up to the day he died. He wanted me to photograph he scripted, his casket photograph. He knew what he wanted. He told me what he wanted. Wow. What did he want? He wanted to be, initially he wanted to be embalmed. Okay, you know, the casket that we picked out together, he wanted to be holding the first edition of Playboy magazine. I think he was half kidding, like, cuz I just like

詹妮弗Yoffy:22:06

在第一个照片你拍的他,他是花花公子的第一件大事。

大卫Hilliard:22:11

我在研究生院。

詹妮弗Yoffy:二二12

好的,这是顾。

大卫Hilliard:二二14

到底,但最终,对于在一个非常不同的方式。因为我们已经同意,相反,他会拿着《瓦尔登湖》,亨利·大卫·梭罗的《瓦尔登湖》。和松针在他的口袋里。就像我们有整个事情将会是美丽的。这是他妈的难以置信的照片我父亲的死亡照片。这将是我们最后一次合作,这是什么东西。但相反,他进了疗养院,所有这些东西。在复活节,星期五的那一天,我父亲死。就诊断COVID三天后,他就死了。哇。 And it happened very quickly. It was merciful in that he had a lot of health issues. And it took him painlessly and quickly. Super sad. That's another story. But like, you know, I got to talk to him on the phone, got to talk at him. Right. He heard me and he had to be cremated, because of COVID. And it was the holiday. They weren't digging holes in the ground. And people couldn't gather. Right? So why go through all of that. And so instead - he never wanted to be cremated. He didn't want to be in a vase, quote, unquote. Yeah. So I've got him a box, that's a stone it looks more like a small casket. And that was the last picture. So instead of making the picture I wanted to make, I made and I'm still making because he still has not been inturred. Like, I still have him in my living room. I made a series of pictures where I took his, his cremation remains to different locations that he loved. And I've made landscape pictures and my brother would be with me for many of them. And, and I got a little table on Craigslist, which is this little oak table that there's a whole story about the table that I chose. But and so it sits at Walden Pond that he loved. It sits on a mountain that he loves. It's Maine, New Hampshire, the Concord River. I have one that I want to take in his favorite diner in Lowell, Massachusetts. Bringing funerary remains into a diner, so that might involve breaking the law. I don't know but it my dad would have liked that. I was gonna say I think your dad would have loved that. Do you feel like you've been able to make peace with not being able to make that final collaborative photo? Yeah, without a doubt. Like when I described that picture it's probably way better than it would have been in real life. I don't know if I would have really liked looking at a picture of my father's waxy. . . See, I'm not a big fan of the embalming of bodies anyway, right and so to have him brought down to ash which he loved the earth so much - to see him like that in this box and, and they also give you the like, the cremation swag like I have the smaller version box. They gave me a piece of him to have

詹妮弗Yoffy:25:05

我不知道。

大卫Hilliard:25:06

是的

詹妮弗Yoffy:25:06

所以你可以像,你知道,一个旅行版

大卫Hilliard:25:10

到底,因为我爱太多的微缩模型,我的朋友tressa,住在纽约,她让我一个一寸一只脚像她让我一个更小的雕塑的版本。三种尺寸有点像俄罗斯套娃。我的爸爸现在在不同的尺度。我的意思是,最小的人没有他里面。但我离题了。对不起,什么?哦,很棒的图片是这些景观照片,成为偶然,偶然的,这不是我们想要的东西。这是有什么伟大的艺术,我认为我最好的照片和男孩拴在那张照片我们早些时候引用那雾蒙蒙的天,这是一个天气这样比喻的礼物。雾是如此惊人的,对吧?我需要一个有雾的一天其中一个和我爸爸。 So the pictures are really kind of beautiful. They are, they become these kind of travel photographs, his last World Tour, if you will, a very humble tour because my dad never really traveled very much. He loved you know, you know, he really loved being within just a few miles radius of downtown Lowell.

詹妮弗Yoffy:26:24

他喜欢先验论和梭罗《瓦尔登湖》,所以他的火山灰形成。就像你说的,它是美丽的。

大卫Hilliard:26:34

是的。我不我不谈论它,事实上,我认为这是我第一次想到他的灰色的部分,但它是一种伟大。也,我应该说,他的墓碑上,他仍然在历史的公墓,墓地是一个非常美丽的地方必须燕子顶部的坟墓,因为他的纹身,我,和他的墓碑上的底部,它说,有一个报价,一个小梭罗语言的一部分,它说,“天堂是我们脚下以及使我们无法理解。”

詹妮弗Yoffy:27:07

这是惊人的,

大卫Hilliard:27:09

所以他却知道这是印有电影。

詹妮弗Yoffy:27:16

所以我的意思是,他一生大部分时间生活的每一步知道他将被记录下来,这是很有趣的,如果你认为他是如何把这些细致的指出在他的生活中所发生的一切。这里你拍摄,所以你的,你知道的,是彼此的反射。

大卫Hilliard:27:39

就像我领情,如果你愿意。

詹妮弗Yoffy:27:41

是的,没错。

大卫Hilliard:27:43

我对摄影的部分感觉良好。喜欢,我很想知道,他的日历和那些喜欢我,我有,如果有什么让我彻夜难眠,有时像,我怎么处理这一切,因为我还伤到了我父亲的死亡,显然,我不禁。但我确实试图挤出的责任就意味着所有这些东西我一直留下,我仍然有一个袋子在我的车库。那天我父亲在我父亲去世后,我被允许进入养老院,像危险物质西装,并清空他的东西。我只是通过因为COVID和悲伤,我只是这样愤怒的垃圾袋,我称之为,装满了水。它住在我的车库,因为它是COVID。对的,它需要就死。我不是专家,但COVID需要死。

詹妮弗Yoffy:28:38

对吧?如果你把东西放在一个垃圾袋和把它在你的车库,它杀死COVID。

大卫Hilliard:28:42

COVID死了,但我仍然不能打开那个袋子,因为会有灰熊仍残存的最后一点东西我父亲的床上,它将会像一个奇怪的,因为他失去了他的记忆,他就像潦草。和真正的悲痛。是的。哦,对不起,我说的你可以编辑这个。。。

詹妮弗Yoffy:29:06

我不敢!

大卫Hilliard:29:07

在养老院,有这个,这是伟大的,伟大的护士苏·爱伦,谁是我的年龄,很善良,爱我的父亲,给他很多的好意。但是她建议连同它,也许别人也,我的父亲,因为他失去了他的记忆,他喜欢摄影,我将这些小偏光板时我会去参观。

詹妮弗Yoffy:29:28

和他好,离开他。是的,我会在上面写的日期,因为他喜欢日期。我会写什么,这是一个愚蠢的注意。有时一个狡猾的人,我会点东西,像猫耳朵。然后我们有这个公告板,我可以发送你的照片,但它就像装满我有一船这些非常小的宝丽来,只是让雷Hilliard aloat,对吧?是的。。。

大卫Hilliard:29:52

他们令人心碎。这是很多selfies我们两个和我父亲吃果冻甜甜圈或者困惑。他们中的一些人是很难看到的。但我认为在一本书,只是,如果我知道一个出版商。

詹妮弗Yoffy:30:06

我只是想说,“当我们这本书干什么? "Are we calling it crib notes?

大卫Hilliard:30:12

是的,不,真的,我认为这是一件大事。但它可能只是一本书的这张照片,因为他们是真的,而且我认为他们很普遍的对于那些失去任何人痴呆和阿尔茨海默氏症,或只是一般失去父母,它是如此困难,但要看到我与他,与他。和我们俩的。

詹妮弗Yoffy:30:35

我认为,如果你想想正式你父亲的照片,这些年来,然后书格式抗衡,与这些真正亲密的事情,就像他的杂志指出,这些偏光板,这些事情显示双方,是的,你知道,建造,这是真实的,但它也是在很多实例。然后,正在发生的事情在表面之下,几乎像框架之间发生了什么,你知道,在面板之间,在某种程度上,就像为观众填写一些信息,只是中将他和你和他的关系更深?

大卫Hilliard:31:20

是的,这是一个很好的观点。就像,你知道,一个教育时机,如果你愿意,我们所有人,无论是作为一个艺术家或是一个人,作为一个家长,作为一个情人。当你签署,签署它。对,对,对。显然,我签约,我们有一个父亲的儿子关系的建立。但当我们开始这个项目,它不应该结束了我的父亲,当他开始失去记忆进入养老院。他对我说,我们仍然要照片。喜欢,我觉得他想要的,因为他从来没想过要去养老院的,法语省繁殖,家具和像毛皮。所以我开始,你知道,我们的照片在养老院,也不是好玩的。不,它是一种孝顺的责任,但该项目。 And one of the first pictures I made was a picture called furniture walker, which is a clinical term for somebody who won't use a walker or a wheelchair. And so it's this triptych of my father just kind of moving through space throwing himself from piece of furniture to piece of furniture. So because he had this dignity, like that was more dignified to him, rather than use a walker. He would like to stumble from table to chair to table. But I made I think, a beautiful picture of him, but it's sad.

詹妮弗Yoffy:32:43

是的,你有这个义务文档的所有部分。

大卫Hilliard:32:48

是的,这是一种义务,我是这样认为的。这就像,如果是工作室实践中,不管你是否相信这句话,这归功于你自己。当然我告诉我的学生,像,你知道,当它变得困难,这是,我不买它。你知道,我生活的例子。这就像,你让它。谁知道呢,不是他们所有的人都好。有些是很可怕的图片。最后一幅我的父亲在他死之前,就像他死前一周,他手里拿着他的假牙。他是一个从2019年1955,然后是假牙。这就像他刚得到新的假牙。 So it's called Another Bite. Like, it's a beautiful picture, and I have my hand on the top of his head, the lighting is kind of grim, Vermeer lighting and, and then he was gone. I couldn't like, it was not the last picture I would have liked to have made of him.

詹妮弗Yoffy:33:39

正确的。是的,你不知道。这是真的。哇。是的。所以切换齿轮一点。你有漂亮的和成功的职业生涯,当之无愧。但你认为你最大的错了?你从中学到了什么?

大卫Hilliard:34:01

好吧,这就像一个美国小姐的问题。

詹妮弗Yoffy:34:03

你是受欢迎的。

大卫Hilliard:34:06

我最大的错误。你的意思是艺术吗?

詹妮弗Yoffy:34:14

我的意思是,开放的结束。

大卫Hilliard:诗34:18

嗯,我有一些事情,但是我有一些分享太多了事情发生在我的个人生活,因为我总是认为我们的艺术生命和我们的个人生活,他们在串联运行。

詹妮弗Yoffy:34:30

你尤其我想说,因为你的工作是如此的个人。

大卫Hilliard:34:33

我们最终在地理上和我们见面,你知道,或者我们的艺术,有时基于身体健康需要我们的地方,一个伙伴可能会带我们,或者会发生什么,所以我一直开放。但是在我年轻的生命,我是一个家庭暴力的幸存者。我和第一个男朋友是暴力的一系列很不愉快,很幸运的是他还活着的经历。把这个变成黑暗的播客,但我认为这是重要的讨论它。我总是一个信徒,倡导人们,家庭暴力的幸存者。我变得很恼怒的人说,“你为什么不离开?”和it's usually directed to women who were abused by somebody. And I totally know why you don't get out of there. You're fearful, you have low self-esteem, you like don't know, but like, there's a million reasons. So anyway, so I had one of those situations and almost didn't come out of it alive. But I did, and it changed my life, it really gave me a new. So that was, in a way a kind of gift. And it's like physics, for every action is something equal opposition or kind of reaction. And so I came out of it with a new-found gratitude for my life that I was given a chance to keep living, but also priorities. And it's it shifted my photography, I think, in a really good way. I know you want something bad.

詹妮弗Yoffy:35:58

和那件事是什么时候发生的?像之前在本科和研究生吗?

大卫Hilliard:36:03

以前大学的时候,我好了,我想,18岁,好吧。但该事件持续了一段时间,几年,因为即使它结束后,他跟踪我,它是坏的。所以最终,它结束了。我在艺术学校,我准备好了。知道我需要改变齿轮在我的生命中,我做出糟糕的选择,这是一个改变游戏规则。它改变了我的生活。我去大众艺术学院,一个伟大的国家资助艺术学校在波士顿,工作以惊人的人。然后从那里有权利去研究生院进入耶鲁。所以我喜欢另一种喜欢,你知道的,世界,我不应该得到的一部分。所以这是一个伟大的礼物。 And it just kept continuing. And so yeah, I've been very, not a word that I use, but my mother does. So say I was very blessed to, you know, have a lot of great things happen that I totally earned, and was lucky enough through fate, and maybe a higher power survived at all. And it did change my work and bad decisions during that might have been, you know, getting a little lazy or letting things distract me to a point. . . at one point, I had a partner who lived in Spain, and I moved to Spain, initially on a Fulbright, so I'm not complaining, it was great and I stayed for a long time, for love, or what I thought was love. And I allowed my artistic career to kind of get soft. So I thought, so I have a tendency sometimes to let people especially partners, sway my, my decisions. A victim, you know, right back to back to the domestic violence days, but I'm a victim to the heart sometimes. So I've learned over time that I really need to keep that muscle. Like, you know, I need to kind of stand up for myself and my practice, and I'm going to advocate for that. Mm hmm. Yeah. So you know, those kinds of decisions. And I've done that I've taken on projects that I kind of regretted because my heart wasn't in it. But like, you know, I don't want to go into details because it's kind of embarrassing. And some people like the work but I made decisions about my work at times in my career, that were based more upon trends that were going on in the art world, and less about what David Hilliard really cared about.

詹妮弗Yoffy:38:30

后不是领导,也许吧

大卫Hilliard:38:33

我失去了,失去了个人的线程对我重要的真理。所以现在我时我在和我在我的职业生涯中,我不认为会发生这么多了。因为我,我很熟。像我要我做什么,我将继续使用相机和拍摄电影,直到去年死亡喘息声和柯达给了我要继续工作,我的工作方式。但足够多的人支持我的工作和足够的,我爱我所做的。和我仍然推动主题在当代的方式。但是我的工作方式是如此令人愉快,就像享受。

詹妮弗Yoffy:39:11

多么美妙,你已经找到了。你觉得住在和伟大的。

大卫Hilliard:39:16

我感觉很棒。我试图挑战它,但我的工作我的工作方式。

詹妮弗Yoffy:39:21

另一方面是,你做的最好的决定是什么?你这样认为吗?

大卫Hilliard:39:28

我做的最好的决定是一个很大的一个是大学毕业后,在悬崖的权利和左或者右,是自己提交。我记得这一刻,我在我父亲的小屋在新罕布什尔州南部和自己,我想我要怎么处理我的生活?我有点害怕,因为我知道我所能做的我有机会学习不同的东西,我决定成为一名艺术家。我不想遗憾,你知道的,我花了足够的时间甚至在那些日子里我年轻的生命,你知道,我,我,你知道的,压抑的,神秘的对我对很多喜欢性和保密,一直通过这个虐待,我收到了。但是我不想做事情的原因,社会期望我做,或者,我说,我要一个我想要成为一名艺术家喜欢我不,没有其他我想做的东西。但这。和也,我从来没有真正谈过这个问题,想过以这种方式。这就是今天做这个面试你的礼物是我的父亲没有机会我有机会虽然有点可怕,因为你如何生活作为一个艺术家,或者图书出版者,像你知道的,这是我们在奢侈品领域,男人。但你签约,所以我决定抓住这个机会在双脚跳,这是我做过最好的事。当我去研究生院,我着火了,我准备好了去做。 And I applied to two schools didn't want to go to really like both, I'd like to equally I didn't want to go to my second choice, I shot high, right, I really wanted what I want. And I excelled because I was so I was like a complete art geek and a lover of voraciously loving photography and its history and practitioners of the medium and and I do believe that I will never be the visiting artists or the teacher who will look at a room of students and dissuade them from the path, because somebody's got to do it. Right. Somebody has to do it. And I'm not going to say, "don't do it".

詹妮弗Yoffy:41:48

你觉得的方法使自己去探索你探索的主题,你的工作的一部分,就像如果你要在这样做困难的事情,你要真的有所不同吗?

大卫Hilliard:42:09

是的,我的意思是,我想我的意思是,这听起来有趣。喜欢,我觉得每一个艺术家说,他们试图想我我知道,你知道,我只是另一个人,我只是一个案例和其他同性恋白人喜欢我有事情我平均,对吧。但这是想说最明显,最独特的声音,尽量诚实,无论,不管这意味着在艺术。但试图告诉独特的故事,特异性是普遍的,对吧?所以我来看看事情的斜有趣的方式是不同的。我试着讲故事,都是不同的。或者至少旋转在其他故事版本的故事。所以我尽量保持新鲜,因为想让自己感兴趣并得到您的关注,试图让人们关心。正确的。我试着这样做并不仅仅适用于艺术,它是适用于生活和关系。 And you got to show up to the party. So I have tried to the best of my ability to honor that. The craft of storytelling and art making. And that's through practice. That's through chance and failure. And toughening your hide when it doesn't go right and, and it's through just like really letting yourself be vulnerable. And that's kind of how I live.

詹妮弗Yoffy:43:38

是的,这是我们所有人的礼物。给我。所以你最后一个问题。这个播客就是一场旅程,你去吧,你错了。任何人的账户,你是一个成功的艺术家。你有这样的感觉吗?你觉得你已经超越了所有你的专业和艺术目标或你觉得还有很多在桌子上,你想学或实现?

大卫Hilliard:44:07

这是一个很好的问题。因为我谈到脆弱和诚实,在一个非常私人的层面上,这么好笑,你说这,我不是在开玩笑,詹妮弗,昨晚我躺在床上我的男朋友谈论同样的事情。如果,我逐字说,“如果我明天就会死去,我会没有遗憾。我做了我想做什么”。

詹妮弗Yoffy:44:33

令人惊异的

大卫Hilliard:44:34

你知道,我不是住在大街上。我不富有,我不是穷人。人支持我的工作。每天我醒来的时候,我喜欢做我做的事情。你知道,我的家人和朋友。我感觉非常成功的在一个非常像内心的感恩精神的方式,如果你愿意。没有遗憾。危险是,你可能会知道,或者我们中的一些人可能知道这一点,当你开始使用的东西,我只是想说,男高音和时代精神,如果你愿意,艺术世界,或者我敢说社交媒体,开始看别人。可能是危险的,因为我脆弱,我在某种程度上竞争力和成功的渴望。有时正确的原因,有时错误的原因是因为谁不想被爱一点吗? But it's unhealthy if I spend too much time on Instagram or to like, you know, I'm a bad poster, although, please follow me on Instagram.

詹妮弗Yoffy:45:40

哦,我做!我喜欢你的帖子。

大卫Hilliard:45:42

我试一试。我最近有点懒,但我尽量保持真实。不是每一个关于我和我的事业。有时。我尽量不让太多的食物图片。我不喜欢,在我看来,我不喜欢一个蓝筹股的艺术家。我展示我认为最好的照片画廊在纽约。我感到很幸运有我和燕西理查森的关系,它在亚特兰大一直强劲。如你所知,杰克逊艺术。我身后的画廊。 I have a gallery in Provincetown, the Schoolhouse Gallery, like amazing. So I'm not a slouch. I know that but I'm, you know, I'm no I won't name names, but you there are these like super art stars that like I will forever. . . Even some of my former students have gone on to these, like upper echelon careers that are just like, you know, I'm parking their cars, you know. I'm not a good parker. But um, but I, but I do feel like, I have to be careful not to measure myself against that. So on a personal level, yes, I am very happy with where I'm at. I do feel like also back to what's really, I don't feel like it's over for me back to my work, not for the wrong reasons. For the right reasons. I think there are more stories to tell, the world is ever-changing. And I still try to like find ways to address those stories. And also, I'm not 20 I don't want to make pictures, I don't want to make the equivalent of a 50 year old man in an Abercrombie sweatshirt that is too small for him. I don't want to make pictures that feel that way either. I don't know, if you get the reference. I want to make pictures that are photographs made by a middle aged aging guy who is not running with a different crowd who has a different kind of wisdom, a different kind of life experience. So I try to be honest with myself to like look at. . . to make pictures that address where I'm at, in my life, where the world is at, where queer culture is at, where politics. . . like, where consumers, where American culture, like whatever. So try to stay on point with, not to get stuck in the kind of habits that I have. And

詹妮弗Yoffy:47:54

你想要诚实的和真实的,这样人们可以继续利用漏洞。是的。

大卫Hilliard:48:02

是的。我使用这个词我想可以像视觉fresca。喜欢,我想,我要确保我的工作一样,我能做到。

詹妮弗Yoffy:48:13

这是美妙的。

大卫Hilliard:48:15

不管怎么说,

詹妮弗Yoffy:48:16

这是最有趣的。

大卫Hilliard:48:18

嗯,我的意思是,你不能让我闭嘴。

詹妮弗Yoffy:48:21

我不想!

大卫Hilliard:48:23

这就是我的旅行。

詹妮弗Yoffy:48:48

所以当我们做爸爸的书吗?

大卫Hilliard:48:50

我不知道。让我们谈谈。是的。我真的相信我。我爸爸会说,来纪念他在这个像一次,因为他失去了他的记忆,他对我说,“大卫,我希望你将继续拍摄我们,因为你知道,你的工作跟我是你最好的工作。”So he had to remind me that like,

詹妮弗Yoffy:49:13

照相结束荡妇!

大卫Hilliard:49:15

他是一个荡妇,男人。但他,他是对的。你知道,这是我最好的工作。至少对我来说是这样。最好是我的工作,我认为人们看到我的爸爸摄影师,或者是那个奇怪的对话或两者兼而有之。但是我的父亲的工作是最接近我的心。